Abluting, having a poop, dropping the kids off at the pool or whatever you call it, we all do it and may at some point need to consider the how and the where when it comes to van conversion toilet options.
As it stands, I am of the opinion that I would not crap in my lounge, kitchen or bedroom so I am heading towards having no toilet at all.
So what exactly will I do when it comes to needing a number two?
In my headplan, I aim to be off grid and in remote areas as much as possible. Reality may however be a mixture of more urban style overnighting in which case there will likely be plenty of cafes, shops, restaurants, public restrooms to take care of business.
Failing that, if I am truly in the middle of nowhere then I think I will rely on a trusty small collapsible spade. Depending on budget, I may go for a more multi-functional spade like this military folding shovel which appears to have lots of additional tools. Nothing like opening a beer with the shovel you just used to bury your poop 😊.
I think there are enough open spaces that I can find for my private time and at all times, I will adhere to solid poop etiquette. Bury deep, burn paper, hide and leave no traces.
Number ones are covered – well certainly for me as a bloke as we can pretty much splash it anywhere at will and with ease. Less easy for my girlfriend. Middle of the night tinkles might also be a bit of a faff so in my headplan, I can see a wee funnel somewhere discretely under the sink that feeds directly into the grey water tank.
Have seen these somewhere and will try and dig up the link but it is a funnel that is piped into the grey water tank. Simply point your tadger into the funnel and it goes straight out into the tank. Any nasty smells contained by a HepVO valve which allows liquid down but shuts off any water or smells back in.
That’s the theory anyway – for my girlfriend it may be a smidge harder to hit the funnel but never fear. The ultimately sexy Landteek Female Urination Device Travel Camping Outdoor Standing Pee Reusable Urinal Women Funnel Portable does just the job. Stop your whining, reprogramme the way you wee.
Emergency Number Twos
It’s going to happen at some point. You are in the middle of nowhere, well certainly from a toilet point of view, but still in sight. What happens here if you need a poop or have burning need for an emergency poop. I may, and I hesitate on the may, consider some sort of emergency measures hidden under my bed/garage area.
Small, discrete and cheap options exist such as the Blue Diamond Big Loo – nothing fancy and importantly some £300-500 cheaper than the most common compostable camper toilets.
This option is far from fancy – these kind of toilets are simply buckets, which you line with some clever bags, squat, tie up, move on.
Now…. if I could be really clever, seeing as this is for emergencies only and realistically unlikely to be used, I like the concept of combining two separate camping products into one functional outcome.
Bear with me….(need to find living examples of this)
So you combine two products + 1 other item:-
- Emergency poop bucket that is 30 cms in diameter and some 40 cms high
- Multi-functional round wood burner, fire pit, cooker, oven that is the same size roughly
- Small toilet seat
Combine the two and all is rosy. The bag contains the gloop, the fire burns off any accidental impurities and you have two items taking the space of 1 – job done. All part of the headplan, not sure how realistic it is and do not want to end up having a pooey, woodsmokey, charcoally mess under my bed. The wood smells concern me most as I am more likely to burn wood regularly than need a toilet so will likely have to find some secure bag system that I can store the Cook & Crap